I was Consumed by Fear today

 

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Every once in awhile in my entrepreneurial journey, I let fear gets the better of me. 

I would feel really grumpy and not in flow.

I could never find out why when it happens.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t have meditation this morning, had a not very pleasant conversation with some friends (which I am finding are increasingly toxic), not enough sleep, or my blog didn’t grow as fast as I thought it should.

I simply couldn’t concentrate. I tried focusing on work and get rid of it but I couldn’t.

I hear entrepreneurs can get very lonely. I guess I am feeling it now.

I felt like vomiting but couldn’t.

I was looking at my daughters but instead of feeling grateful and happy, I felt really afraid.

The fear is sinking me and I am trying hard to stay afloat but the more I struggle the more I sank.

It is only after a while towards the end of the day that I started feeling better.

I think time helps. Not thinking about it helps. Getting out into the nature helps.

I was lucky that I got to meet an experienced entrepreneur later in the evening and I shared my feelings with him.

He reassured me that he has been there and it is part of the journey.

While what he told me I sort of knew already but who says it does matter.

I am not sure if you have similar experience with people close to you, but my wife tells me she would tell me similar things a lot of the time and I would never listen but when someone else says it, I would follow.

I never realised that, in fact, I didn’t even realise she told me similar things. I would actually blame her for not telling me earlier.

Maybe it is a cognitive thing, if someone you subjectively think hasn’t gone through the same experience advises you on something, your brain just won’t even listen or become aware. But when someone you respect tells you something, you just subconsciously agree with it and follow.

I guess it is like your parents telling you to do something and you do the complete opposite.

One of the reasons, I wanted to be an entrepreneur was to share my experience with my daughters, teach them to conquer fear and live life with courage.

I wanted to make sure I face these myself first so I could give my daughters proper advice and not just tell them to take the safe route all the time.

The experienced entrepreneur told me to persevere, to be persistent and be patient. 

Towards the end of the day, I got slightly better and did some meditation, which helped as well.

I think it is because of how our brain works, it is so easy to fall into the trap of extrapolating into the future during a rough patch.

I also happened to come across this great video from Mr Ray Dalio. It reminded me that I was just going through a common day in the life of an entrepreneur.

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Categories:personal growth, startups

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2 replies

Trackbacks

  1. 3 crazy things happened in my life in 2018 – The Banking to Startup Diary
  2. Applying Ray Dalio’s Principles – The Banking to Startup Diary

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