A few days ago, I had a really fierce fight with my mother, the person whose vision got me to where I am in life today.
It was over something very trivial – how to use the AppleTV remote.
As I was telling her how to use it, I am not sure if it is my negative energy or hers that got started (most likely from me and the way I was delivering) but I could feel this really negative energy stemming from her.
That connected with my negative energy and I exploded which ignited her as well.
The result was the massive fight followed by self-reflection of what happened.
I found out after going to many self-development programs that what I am living now in life is actually her vision of my perfect life – a harmonious family, strong marriage relationship and being a family man (I spend almost all of my free time with my 2 daughters).
(I also found out later that she had this inferiority to university graduates, which stopped her from dating one and the reason why she wanted to make sure I attended university.)
However, all these could have came to a sudden end should I also follow the other principles that she ingrained in me all my life – take the safe route, do not take risks, think about what other people would think of you before you do certain things.
During the fight, I told my mother had I follow everything she have told me I wouldn’t even have the guts to walk back to the office that I previously worked because I would have cared so much about how people looked at me. My job before gave me a false sense of security that I prided on.
So this was actually not a fight with her but it sort of turned out to be a fight with some of the values that she brought onto me and I just happened to channel that against her.
It was a great awakening that was waiting to happen.
Throughout my life I always seek from my mother the right values and confirmations that what I was doing was right and that’s the reason why my life is where her vision is right now I believe.
However, I realize to maintain that and grow beyond I need to do so much more. I need to breakaway. I need to have my own vision and step out of these comfort zones.
So for the last 30 or so years I followed her vision but it is now my time to show her my vision and how it could bring a more fulfilling and enriching life to not just her and I but my family, my wife and two young daughters.
It is something that will take a lot of courage and there will be a lot of emotions but it is something I believe I needed to do to show to my daughters how to be courageous in life.